


Doubts in the Night

by phdfan



Series: Permutations of Sara Hawke/Fenris [1]
Category: Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age II
Genre: Drabble, F/M, Friendmance, Implied or Off-stage Rape/Non-con, Love, No Simple Solutions, Prompt Fic, Quiet Me, Repressed Memories, Sexual Dysfunction, Trust, Understanding
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-03-01
Updated: 2013-03-01
Packaged: 2017-12-03 23:49:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 750
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/704052
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/phdfan/pseuds/phdfan
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Not all wounds can be seen, or healed.  When Fenris's deepest wounds are revealed, Sara Hawke makes no demands.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Doubts in the Night

**Author's Note:**

  * For [psikitty](https://archiveofourown.org/users/psikitty/gifts), [loquaciousquark](https://archiveofourown.org/users/loquaciousquark/gifts).



> This was written for the prompt "Quiet Me", given to me by psikitty and loquaciousquark.

“Fenris,” she said, and reached out to grasp the inside of his elbow, “Calm down.”

He shook her off, and stayed sitting where he was on the edge of the bed.

“Calm down, you say,” he said.  “As if it’s that easy.”

She pulled back, stung by the sneer in his voice.  She hesitated a long moment before speaking again.

“It’s okay Fenris,” she said, but she didn’t try to touch him this time.  “We can do something – maybe we can see Anders-”

“I will not let the mage know of my… condition.”

“Well, there are always – other things that we could do.  It doesn’t have to be that-”

Fenris hunched forward, and dropped his forehead into his hands.

Sara sat up and pulled the sheet up over her breasts, suddenly feeling vulnerable.   Fenris still sat on the opposite side of the bed, facing away from her.  He said nothing, and Sara longed to reach out, to comfort him, but she could read the tension in his shoulders, and stayed where she was.

Pressing her lips together, she looked at his back, at the pattern of burns – so beautiful, so horrible – that both marred and adorned it.  At the same time, she could not help but be aware of the lingering slickness her desire for him had drawn forth.  She let out a soft sigh, then wished she could take it back.

He stood up from the bed and went to his clothes, his armour; his movements jerky and violent as he pulled them on.

“You deserve something better,” he said, yanking the tunic over his head.  “Someone who can give you what you want.”  On went the leggings.  “Someone who is… enough of a man.”  He slid on one of his vambraces, began to do up the clips that buckled it to his arm.

“Fenris…” she said softly, sadly.

He abruptly stopped getting dressed, sat back down on the bed, one vambrace half attached to his arm, and buried his face in his hands.

“This isn’t what I wanted,” he said, his voice muffled.

Sara slid closer to him on the bed, taking the sheet with her.  She hovered near his shoulder, not sure enough to touch him.

“Us?” she asked gently, and the fear bubbled up in her stomach, her chest.

“No,” he said, jerking his face up.  He turned to look at her, touched the side of her face with his unarmoured hand.  “No,” he said again, softer.  “I wanted… I wanted to make you happy.  And – I can’t.”

“You can,” she said, reaching up to cup his hand with her own.  She smiled, even though her eyes still reflected her concern.  “You do.”

He took his hand back, gently pulling it from Sara’s.

“But I can’t –” he gestured helplessly at the bed.

“Who says you can’t?” Sara said with a smile.

“But, we’ve tried… and…” he trailed off, looked down at the floor.  In the light of the fire, Sara could see a blush creeping up his cheek.

“Sometimes it takes some practice,” she said.  “That’s okay.”

“It’s… it’s more than that,” he said.  He still wasn’t looking at her.

Sara didn’t say anything, giving him the space he needed.

“Danarius-” he started, and swallowed heavily.  Sara could see his throat move.  “He made me… do things.  Things I didn’t want to do.”

“Sexual things?” she asked, reaching out to touch the back of one of his hands.  She followed the line of the veins, the tendons, her touch gentle, yielding.

He just nodded, his face still turned away from hers.

“Do you… think of that, when you’re with me?” she asked.

He nodded again.

“I’m sorry, Fenris,” she said.  “I didn’t know.”

He still said nothing.  Didn’t look at her.  Didn’t move.  She let her hand travel up his arm, onto his shoulder; moved so that she was behind him, and began to gently massage the tension from his shoulders.

“It will be okay,” she said.  “We can work through this.”  His muscles relaxed under her hands.

“I… don’t know if I will… ever… be able to,” he said haltingly.

“That doesn’t matter,” she said, leaning forward to press a kiss against his shoulder blades.  “That doesn’t matter at all.”  She leaned her cheek against the linen of his tunic, felt the warmth from his skin.  “All that matters is us,” she said.  “Just us.”

She wrapped her arms around his middle, and held him.

After a moment, he cradled her arms with his own.


End file.
